NZAA/STIHL National Tree Climbing Championship - NTCC

2007 NTCC Climber Bio's

Alistair Sing, Alistair’s grandmother said she always want a doctor in the family. Being motivationally challenged, Alistair opted out of medical school yet still managed to make his grandma’s wish come true. “It was the highlight of my life telling grandma that I am a surgeon … she doesn’t need to know I’m a tree surgeon” said Alistair.

Alissa had her sir-name removed by Deed Poll so she could be like her idols Sting and Prince. “Because all the cool symbols were taken, I thought I would name myself as a chemical equation, so I became 6 CO2+12 H2O + photons → C6 H12 O6 + 6 O2 + 6 H2O, but everyone stilled called me Alissa, I’m not sure why”, she said.

Andy Neverman for many years was a self-proclaimed eco-terrorist. I wore leather shoes, ate eggs from who knows where and refused to recycle toilet paper. But I’m over that now, those were dark days and I’m at a much better place now, says Andy. Everything has to be natural. I can’t tell you how happy I am that McDonald's has joined the green revolution with their zero carbon emissions and 100% organic policy. Eating there is just a joy – I’m loving it.

Brandon Heslop ran away to join the circus as a child, but was forced to leave due to his fear of clowns and his increasing fondness for Ella a seventy-year-old elephant. Even so he, attributes his climbing style to his time at the circus and is the man behind the call to get flaming hoops incorporated into the work climb.

Cameron Gall, for many years thought the Dark Reaction (part of photosynthesis) was something made up by Star Wars enthusiasts who spend too much time with virtual friends on the Internet. Cameron has spent considerable time on the Internet himself and can now use a mouse with either hand. Laptops just don’t do it for me, says Cameron. You can’t beat a good mouse and without one surfing the Internet is just not the same.

Chrissy Spence is a long time competitor at these events. For a long time I rehearsed each event in my mind before I did it. For best results I would do these rehearsals in ‘real time’, which won me my first world title back in 05. Soon I found I was rehearsing everything I did in real time, including sleeping. I’d go through each move, breath and dream before going to bed, then I’d sleep. Looking back on it now, I didn’t have much time to do anything else, which might explain why I lost my world title in 06.

Clay Winter has long been Trevor Mallard’s boxing trainer, “I spar with Trevor most days after work, have you seen his right –left-right combo?….it’s mean” said Clay. “ Trevor and I use tree climbing as fitness training, don’t be surprised it Trevor qualifies for the nationals next year, his footlock technique is something special”.

Craig Wilson likes to write poetry and hopes to release his first book of poems in the next 6 months. “Most of my best poems come to me while I’m climbing trees, the rustling of the leaves as I swing from branch to branch and the sweet hum of my beloved chainsaw inspire me”, Says Craig. “My favourite poem to date is titled, If in doubt top it out”.

Dale Thomas has been climbing trees since he was a small boy. “I suffer from Zoophobia (an unusually intense fear of animals). I guess I started climbing trees to get away from them [the animals], so it seemed a logical progression for me to become a professional tree climber”, said Dale. “I don’t like the possums much, with their red eyes and fluffy tails – they are evil. My therapist says I should face them, but the guys run them through the chipper before I get the chance.”

Drew Bristow “I’m using the tree climbing champs as a stepping stone to get on Dancing with the Stars… you should see my rumba, it’s hot!”, says Drew. “When I grow up, I want to be like Rodney Hide. Some people say I look like him… what do you think?”

Elena O’Neill was born and raised in Hamilton. What more can be said. “Its not like I still live there”, she said. “As soon as I could, I loaded up my trike and got out. I just keep going and going until those little plastic wheels just wore out.”

Guy Dunlop is the original gangster (OG) of tree work, he wins most events with a friendly “If I don’t win, I’ll pop a cap in your arse”. Funnily enough, Guy wins a lot of events these days and it is my guess that, unless the judges want to die, he will be the new NZ champ. Guy’s recent claim to fame has been pimping his chipper, which can now bounce up and down in time with Snoop Doggs drop it like it’s hot. “OG in da house”.

Jacob Sewell is a romance novelist for Mills and Boon. Jacob got into tree work as part of his research for his latest novel. “My book is about a buffed and lonely tree worker and his burning passion for the office lady, who is in a destructive relationship with the fat owner of the tree company. I can’t tell anymore with out ruining the story, but there is a steamy scene that takes place in the mulch pile”, said Jacob

James Kilpatrick is not an arborist or a tree climber, James is a leprechaun and a greedy leprechaun at that! He’s the leprechaun that took all the gold from under all the rainbows and then used all of his gold to buy lots of Guinness, now he’s a bankrupt and still drunk.

James Petrie is well known for his ability to grow facial hair and then sell his hair to Advanced Hair Studio. He is has recently been inducted into the hair donators hall of frame and all of this at 12 years of age. Next time you see Martin Crowe, Shane Warne, Phil Goff or any of the other old cricketers, you should think of James, cause that’s the hair off his chin on their heads. When you see James climb, feel free to chant ‘advanced hair, yeah, yeah!’

Jawand Ngau Chun was saved from a sweatshop by a TV3 Target film crew. “It wasn’t as bad as they made out, I was part of the fashion industry and I was going places”, said Jawand. “I look at the work clothes we ware and they are so boring, even the high-viz gear seems dull – its all so ‘functional’, its like they are dressing like robots or something.”

Jamahel Kapperly considers himself a retro-climber and when not competing he favours 3-strand natural fibre lines, steel screw-gate carabineers and his leather fixed ‘d’ harness. He longs for simpler times when men didn’t have to use moisturiser, bril-cream was the hair product of choice and compliance officers didn’t exist. “I’d really like the aerial rescue event replaced with something more practical, like axe throwing”, says Jamahel.

Jen Noakes was Youtube’s eighth Lonely Girl, but the on-line series never gained notoriety until Lonely Girl 15. “I find the whole thing kind of strange, how can she still be lonely when Lonely Girl 15 was the most popular show on the Internet? If I were her, I’d have lots of friends”, said Jen.

Josh Ormsby loves playing cricket. “There is nothing better than getting up in the morning and putting on your whites”, says Josh. “I especially enjoy the drink stops and lunch break. My favourite cricket playing memory is of scoring 4 leg byes against the Morrinsville old boys to draw the game… memories like that are golden.”

Li Kanuka Tane was named after a character in episode three of Doctor Who [Attack of the green things that go ping]. Li mastered his craft climbing tussock grass in Central Canterbury. “Respect the tussock, select a good roping point and think light thoughts, that’s the secret”, says Li. Most people just stomp on them or worse still drive their four-wheel-drives right over them!

Matt Palmer failed the psychological test for his firearms licence eight times, which he attributed to his ten-cup addiction to instant coffee (black with five sugars – if you please). He lives in a houseboat, which is permanently moored in his mother’s backyard because he can’t swim and seawater plays havoc with his hair.

Matt Percival has been climbing for nineteen and a half years, and before that he was a part time hand model living on the streets of New York. “I have lots of fond memories, and some sad ones too, from my time as a hand model. Once you have calluses they don’t want you, they just toss you aside and bring in someone younger – someone with smoother skin. I’m happier now that I have a regular job and a roof over my head, especially when it rains”, said Matt.

Mark Tipper was rumoured to be Britney Spears’ long time chorographer – but he found himself going back to full time arboriculture after the 2007 MTV Music Video Awards debacle. “Even though dance is my first love, trees have always come a close second, that and 18 inch chippers”, says Mark.

Mark Roberts differs from the other Mark Roberts due to the size of his footprint, carbon and otherwise. He is a student at the Otago Polytechnic and was shocked to find out that chainsaws made noise and that Heidi, the STIHL poster girl, took out restraining order against him.

Menno Kluiters first came to arboriculture as part of a witness protection programme, as a result of informing on the Mafia. “In many ways, it worked out well for me, I can’t say I ever liked my real name, Ennis Winkelbottom and Ashburton is a much safer place now the ‘family’ have been put away”, says Menno.

Paul Kenny Paul’s favourite colour is green, he quite likes blue, but not as much as green, green is definitely his favourite. “Brown is another colour, as is yellow, orange, purple, black , grey, pink and red, but green is my favourite colour”, says Paul

Rick Mexted isn’t climbing in this event, but likes to see his name in print. Rick Mexted, Rick Mexted, Rick Mexted, Rick Mexted, Rick Mexted, Mexted, Rick Mexted, Rick Mexted, Rick Mexted, Mexted, Rick Mexted, Rick Mexted, Rick Mexted, Rick Mexted loves Stacy Colyer, Mexted, Rick Mexted, Rick Mexted, Rick Mexted, Rick Mexted, Mexted, Rick, Rick, Rick.

Scott Forest loves mashed egg sandwiches more than anything else in the world. Not long ago, Scott’s boss told Scott that the mashed egg sandwich was the national food of Switzerland… no one has seen Scott since.

Shane Meadowcroft was raised by moose in Fiordland after surviving a helicopter crash that claimed the lives of his mother, father and nine younger sisters. “For many years, I had trouble fitting in – especially during the rut”, said Shane. “It’s funny – looking back on it now, the skills I learnt hiding my [estranged] family during the great moose hunts of the 80’s have set me up. Your not an arborist until you have shoved a 600kg bull moose 25 metres up a tree”, says Shane.

Toby Kennerly once represented his province at the Under-17’s long distance pogo-stick competitions. He was about to sign a lucrative sponsorship deal with Easy Off Bam and go professional but developed chronic motion sickness. Toby uses a concoction of clover flowers, dock-root and flat Speights to calm his stomach but, even so, he recommends that no one stand too close during his speed climb.

Tony Wilson has short hair due to a terrible hair perming accident. “That’s the last time I go to Flo’s and ask for a two for one perm. My pet poodle’s perm looks great, but mine was a total disaster”, said Tony. This will be Tony’s last year competing in the climbing comps, “Next year, I start my career as a rodeo star”.

Tumai Laubourn hates tree work and tree climbing, he’s actually got nothing to do with this competition… Tumai, why are you here? Is it because you heard that there is free beer after the comp?

Nicky Ward-Allen Nicky’s partner is a lawyer, Nicky is very nice and a every good climber. Did I mention that Nicky’s partner is a lawyer and he knows how to sue for deformation. Nicky comes from Taranaki and she really likes dairy cows.

Tyron Vakapuna qualified in Wellington for the nationals, but due to his fear of sea water could not make it across the straight to Christchurch. “It’s just one of those things, like not stepping on the cracks in the pavement and crying when Greg left the Wiggle’s”, said Tyron.

Zane Wedding came to arboriculture by mistake. He wanted to become a florist or an astronaut, but ended up a check-out-chick at the local Pack-n-Save. It was by chance that he was spotted retrieving empty shopping bags stuck in a tree in the car park, and the rest as they say, is history. “Its not about the destination, its about the journey”, says Zane.

Disclaimer: The NTCC on behalf of the NZAA apologise for any offence that may or may not have been caused as the result of these climber Bio’s. Any similarity to actual events was unintended and would be a sad reality indeed.

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